Tuesday, July 13, 2010

If Mother Theresa had a blog, she would be me.

Seriously, Dangerjury, I am a straight up miracle worker. I present to you-Exhibit A:

This past Saturday night saw my Dangerous Angels partner and hetero life mate Sara Del Rey and I debuting for SCWA (Reidsville, NC). We faced the team of Persephone and Kristin Flake. Thanks to her mad Royal Butterfly skittles, Del Rey pulled out a win for us just in the nick of time. Although I did have my noggin rammed into a chair by Persephone and was feeling a bit woozy, I was all ready to head to the locker room to celebrate with Del Rey and hoof it to the nearest Sheetz. However, fate had another plan for me. On my way to the curtain, a few kids started screaming at me. By kids I would venture to say about 8-13/14 years old. Old enough to know better than challenge me to a verbal battle. After screaming repeatedly that I suck/sucked/all forms of suck, I simply responded with the following:

"If your mom sucked more, then maybe you wouldn't be here". Now, for those you know or follow me closely, this line is not really a new one. Sly enough to go over the heads of most young'uns but still land at my intended target-Mom. And did I hit my target. Before I even reached the curtain, Mom jumps OUT OF HER WHEELCHAIR and runs over ready to swing at my head. Del Rey steps in front of me as she saw Old Woman River coming at me and security quickly follows. She gets in my face and starts screaming at me about my "unwelcome Yankee mouth" and other things". To be honest, I am highly amused at this scene but its really time to let the show continue. And Sheetz was calling my name. So I tell her to take her mulleted rear end back to her fake wheelchair and chillax. I think pointing out the wheelchair part sent her into quite a tizzy because she actually went to the promoter to bury me and tell lies about what I said. The folks at SCWA were top notch though and handled the situation very well. So how many wrestlers can honestly boast to helping the crippled find the will to walk again? That's right, just one. Allison Danger.

In other wrestling fun, on Friday night I found myself opposite Del Rey in her Arenachicks debut match in Burlington, NC. Opposite Death Rey is really not one of my favorite places to be. Why you ask? Because she kicks me in places that hurt (and are NOT big, Sara!!). I kid though. She is actually one of my favorite people to be in the ring with because with her I always have to step up my game and I love that challenge. There are plenty of good reasons why she is truly one of the best female wrestlers in the world.

After finding a decent hotel after the Arenachicks match, Del Rey and I settled in with some Golden Girls before hitting the sack. Saturday morning we were able to knock out a workout at the hotel (watching the Soup while doing the P90X Ab Ripper=buys) then get packed and showered for a super late check out of 11:30am. Yup, the lady at the front desk gave us a whopping 30 extra minutes. Not that anyone was knocking down the front door to check in. Lamesauce. We had several hours to kill so decided to catch a matinée before heading up to the Reidsville show. I plugged Movie Theaters into the GPS and found one maybe two miles down the road. Score! Or so I thought until we pulled up to it and found it to be a $3 joint with really lame/outdated choices. Bust! Try the GPS again, find a second one 6 miles away. While on our way to that one Del Rey called to check the movie times. Showtime-noon and our ETA was 12:02. Not too shabby. Until we reached the theater to find out it had been closed for about THREE years. Doppelbust! I quickly gassed up, asked the attendant where the theater moved to and ended up catching the 12:50 showing. Worked out great as there was a Barnes & Noble nearby and we were able to hook up a quick coffee fix. We caught Eclipse and Death Rey was knocking back some hilarious one liners. Oh and before you mock our choice, suck it. Neither of us are Twi-hards by any means but it was definitely an enjoyable way to sit and spend two hours. And if push comes to shove and I did have to pick a team I would lead Team Jasper all the way. Something about that sly smile of his-DAMMMMMMNRONSIMMONS.

Geez, is this blog over yet? Uh, nope, keep reading.

Sunday was customs at the OAP studios. My nephew Colby rode in with Claudio Castagnoli to train in between matches. After tapings, he rode back to the beach with me. After fueling up our bodies and our minds at Sheetz we hit the highway. Everything was going great until my tiny bladder started acting up in class. I take an exit on the highway that I know well and prepare to make a left hand turn into a gas station. However, the lady in front of me had other plans and leaves the middle lane to enter the turning lane I am already in. She nearly sideswipes my rental car and actually sends us into oncoming traffic. Thankfully, the car leading the oncoming lane saw what happened and was able to stop before hitting us and subsequently block traffic so no one would hit us. I blare on my horn to let the lady know 1. I am hot and 2. To move forward so I can get out of traffic and make the turn safely. I end up following her into the parking lot and decide I am going to give her a piece of my mind. By piece of my mind I am about to tear this lady apart. But once I got to the car I noticed that she was shaking terribly and actually terrified to roll down her window. I really felt bad and immediately calmed down as I could see how remorseful she already was. I ended up calming her nerves the best I could and just explained how serious that incident was, especially because my nephew was in the car. The lady, who was about 70 years old, was truly scared that I was going to go all road rage on her (tempting thought but I am glad I got myself under control). All in all, instead of making a bad situation worse for both of us, we shook heads and I told her to be safe and try to have a good day. My hubby was so proud of me. Old Danger might have beat the gray right off her hair, LOL. That folks, is your Exhibit B. Need I show more? Nah, I rest my case!

Still reading? Bravo to you! You, my friend, are a true fan.

Have you listened to the latest Untitled Allison Danger Show on Diva-Dirt.com? Episode 6 is up and we have a new voice this time filling in for an absent Amber Gertner. I even get political all up in that shizz. So check it out!

On that night, I think it is time for my fingers and brain to rest. As my daughter would say, "Nigh-nigh!". Or "Dora!". Until next time, Own It, Tim Gunn it.



Miles said...

hahah nice story, on the road u shoulda copied ludacris and said "mooooooooove bitch, get out the way, get the way bitch"!

Sean said...

"So how many wrestlers can honestly boast to helping the crippled find the will to walk again? That's right, just one. Allison Danger."

Have you considered adding "faith healer" as a part time occupation?

Miss J said...

I've got some back problems...maybe you could heal me in September? :D Your blog is always fun to read!

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